picking up pieces

amazingly when i look back on my youth, i find i am still picking up the piece of that disaster. i was always very lost and in my own world. i believe what brought on my being lost in this world was my parents divorce. i was only five and it took a huge effect for many years. the aftermath of a divorce will take a toll on any kid at any age, however i feel this was a pretty crucial age for me and within a few years of the divorce both of my parents remarried. it is just amazing to me though the effects of my youth that still haunt me today. i find i somedays a struggle more than others to get out of bed and be myself. somedays i just want to suck back into that lost teenager. sometimes its brought on by people of my past or people of my present. i just feel as though i am constantly picking up pieces of my life to keep it together. as i am getting older my anxiety is getting worse. i am feeling anxious alot more than i used to. some days its going to class, the store, or to a friends house. i just cant put my finger on why yet but tryin to work out the pieces. i love this blue october song and the quote "It feels like my heart is made of pure steel
It just feels so heavy all the time " i constantly have someones problems weighing on my heart. i am the kind of person that no matter how mean you maybe to me if there is ever an emergency, i am right there by your side. i know i should not care this much about everyone but it is something i cannot help. though nine times out of ten i get treated like shit, to me its the tenth person that counts.


Blue October
Picking up pieces

I really need to talk with you
I keep stepping on the vein that keeps my lifeline flowing through
I wanna be your perfect stick of glue
But I don't feel perfect at all
Sad and insecure, flawed
Yea, I find it hard to hold conversations
I get sweaty sick and I wanna walk away
No, it's not you, it's strictly me in this situation
But I'm wondering will it ever go away
Just go away, still

Chorus:
Sometimes I feel like weeping
Awake and when I'm sleeping
Perfecting how to put a game face on
And this puzzle I've been keeping
Has been in hiding, creeping
Out the closet door
Spilling out onto the floor
How long will I be picking up the pieces?
How long will I be picking up my heart?

Listen, I'll be as honest as I feel
I feel like I'm getting more paranoid
Cuz I'm hearing things and they never turn out real
It feels like my heart is made of pure steel
It just feels so heavy all the time
I'm scared of death, I'm scared of living
Shit, I gave up on the past cuz it's unforgiving
I misplaced my trust
I watch my word begin to rust
I'm that balloon about to bust
I need a place for reliving, still