Wondering...

There are days where you can begin to wonder about your choices. Wondering if the choices you are trying to make are correct. Then wondering if all of the progress so far is worth it. Especially wondering all of this when there had been a particularly hard day/week. All centred around the recent choices made in recent months but finally coming  to head  this week. From Sunday to Friday, to see every event has had action and reaction. Good and bad, glass half full, glass half empty, and all of the up's and down's, I just feel a little sea sick.  Yes there have been set backs and let downs this week, but there have also been reinforcements and bounds forward. It puts me in the state of mind to remember why I started this journey and why I must get to the finish line- no matter what it takes, I will make it there.   Because with all of my speed humps thus far, I have made it over and I am not stopping for any one this time. I am looking out for number one for the first time in my life, and I going forward for myself, and my life. Simply because I matter. I  am taking control to get to where I want to go. 

big decisions always come with a price... or so they say.

There was a moment when I almost decided not to move. There was a moment when I decided, it would be so much easier to keep my life the same, to keep my life uncomplicated and comfortable. I was overwhelmed with what the next few months had in store for me, cleaning up the house, going through my things, packing, just an overwhelming amount of things to accomplish when attempting to pick up life and move to another state. I have never lived any where but my home town so to up root my life and start some where new is a huge deal to me. For me to walk down the street and not know a single soul will be the most rewarding part of this entire journey. Where I live now, every one knows everything that has ever happened to me and everything I have ever done. I am ready to make a name for myself, to find my own adventures and connections. My entire life everyone has told me what to do, how to do, when to do, and why to do things. I am ready to be far from everyone's advise or lack there of. I am ready to be far away from the negative thinking and constant put downs from certain people in this town and in my life. I am ready to not give a flying frick about what any one says or thinks.I still get treated like the baby of the family, who everyone thinks should be given their 2 cents no matter what. I know it will be so healthy for me to have some distance and be able to make my own choices wrong, right, up, or down. Because after all of this, I had another moment where I envisioned my new life out in Austin and suddenly every hurdle and speed bump is completely worth the day I leave Arizona and find myself out in Austin, finding who I am, and loving finding who I have always wanted to be.