Feel.Anxiety.Pain

cut.blood.feel. I used to have to cut and see the blood to feel real. To feel anything. Now i feel everything so intensly. How did i used to be so numb to the world, did i finally wake up? Did i finally become a part of the world? When ever there is drama i feel it, the guilt, the shame, the pain. I also realize how anxiety feels. I used to think anxiety was normal. Im slowly learning it is not normal to always feel anxious and not be able to calm down. Never knowing when it is going to hit is the hardest part. Sometimes it is walking into a school building, others when walking in my own home. I feel there will never be a cure, as i feel a spat of anxiety coming on now.

No Regrets

Some people say they have no regrets, some say they have regrets, some live with regrets, and others do not. Who is to say that we should or should not have them. Some can look back at thier regrets with sadness, others happiness. Someone reminded me tonight that what i thought was a regret, really isn't. "when you can put your feelings aside and look beyond what you want and go with what you need, thats when you start taking care of yourself and make your life better for you and no one else. no regrets ever. everything happens for a reason. we might not see the reason at the time but we all do eventually" is what he said to me. This is how i need to start thinking when trying to get over someone or when things dont work out the way i intended them to or invisioned them to. I always learn from them and i always will have no regrets. With them, how would i have lived my life... I cannot regret what has made me well me.