Looking into the rear view....

I am a leaf blowing in the wind. I am a spark in the fire. I am a drop of water in the ocean. I'm lost but found. I am strong but i am weak. I do not understand this world as of late, or life as of now. I am sure everyone at some point in their life takes a look in the mirror one day and just says what the fuck. Weather it be the choices made so far, questionably healthy or unhealthy choices or changes, unchangeable situations. This is where I stand, looking in the mirror. Constant questions of why and where do I want to go from here. I do not question why I have been brought here. I do not question why I have the past that I have.From time to time I let the anger and rage take hold and consume me. Though many of the circumstances were out of my control there is a rage and madness that flows through my veins, sometimes triggered by words or flashbacks of memories from a time long ago. Yes, from time to time I beg the questions of why, who, and what I could or would change in the past. Not a fucking thing. Its my past and I believe no one else could of survived it the way I have. Don't get me wrong, I have had a fair share of ups and downs in my past, However my past comes with a lot of darkness that has been hard to forgive. I believe that even my darkest moment has made me more patient, kind, forgiving, and most of all empathetic to those who surround me. I have finally forgiven my darkest moment. I am finally ready to let it go. I realized a few weeks ago how long I had held on to the pain of this moment, this person that plagued me,a innocent life lost, and how upset I was with myself for not being strong enough. I know I had not been ready to face it emotionally for some time, years. Upon bringing this to light I have felt a certain sense of accomplishment, forgiving the unthinkable. Just when I thought I could never let go, I did. I know the spirit lost would be proud to read this, to know I made it. The last of the moments in the rear view to let go of. All is forgiven, all is laid to rest. I am finally free to look to the future.