writting... bored at home

so while i sit here at home bored on a friday night i started writting... it wasnt really to any one but it turned out to be for my grandfather... here it goes xoxox gramps!


Come back to me
i want you to come back to me
my heart shattered to a million pieces
and poured out my eyes
in the hospital i awaited
to hear something
anything
my last time spent with you was not glorious
or beautiful
it was not a begging or an ending
it was "ill see you later"
never knowing when later was
i have missed you everyday for the last ten years
some days more than others
i want just ten more minutes with you
the day you passed i wanted to sit with you
no matter where you went
in heaven hell or in between
i wanted to be with you
it was hard to understand why you left
feeling lost and hopeless with out you
i wished we could go away somewhere
together
i wish i could feel you here
and look into your eyes one last time...

thanksgiving....

For the most part thanksgiving went on without a hitch this year... except for the stepmom part...

Dinner at my mommies was lovely! She and my stepfather are amazing cooks! There was so much food to eat and great pies that my sister and i made... they were quiet decent!

Its the time of year to remember all of the things that we are greatful for... I am greatful for all of my family, friends, my job(sometimes!) some of the more material things i am great full for is my i-pod and car! i know i cannot live without either of them.

But amazingly at these times i am most great full for the people that surround me. Every person i have in my life is there for a reason i believe. I always love to reflect on how special every one person is because everyone means something different to me. So in conclusion i guess i am just thankful, great full, and happy!

on another note of being great full i have switched my degree and know exactly what i plan to do with my life!

candy corn and blood

yea so in English today with Anna we wrote a poem... nice, dark, and morbid.

Awake in a dark room

The smell of fall is upon my nostrils

I go to put on my costume

I take the tea off the stove

And sip

While enjoying its warmth

I never realized how the leaves changed so vividly this time of year

And how cool the breeze blows through the pines

It leaks through the window seals

Walking outside the wind chills the bones

Like a cold corpse in the frozen ground

Skin decay and rotting bones

With no where for their souls to go but hell

The memory hits like a ton of bricks

The smell of blood with a taste of candy corn

we thought it would be funny and it leaves you hanging... Happy October

torn

I hate being torn... im torn with a situation that my friend is in... i am trying to be as neutral as possible but at the same time its so hard to. i cannot say whats going on though i wish i could.

moving on today was pretty boring. just school and work... and trying to get some cleaning done as well. Im just listening to jack johnson and sitting outside enjoying the breeze. its a pretty nice day i just wish i did not have to go to class tonight..

on another note i might be moving up to co manager soon!!! YAY FOR WORKING 24/7 IF THAT HAPPENS!

fall

Fall has finally fallen in Prescott. The leaves are changing, the sky is bright blue, and it is very cool outside. Its a funny thing when fall comes, many of the days i just want to stay in bed, curled up with a blanket. Its so weird to think that the holidays will be upon us soon, which for me means being at work 24/7. I wish it was like back in the old days when stores would not be open on Christmas ever or the day after. Unfortunately for me i get to work the day before and after Christmas. Though i may not be religious, it would be nice to have the time off. I just hate how busy the Christmas season becomes around retail. Why do we have to buy so many gifts for people? Why can't we donate our time to those in need down at a shelter, or just simply spend time with our familys since we have no idea how short our time is.


As for today i am stuck at school all day... its just one of those days i wished i didnt have to wake up...

to long

It has been way to long since i last blogged... not to much has changed though.

I have started to loose weight yet again, but thats a whole bag a of chips to feast on.

I start school on monday, and boy and i not excited. I hate school i always feel so awkward around new people. I always find myself wondering where they come from, what their story is ya know? maybe you dont but god do i dread school. i feel like my life ends for 15 weeks.

On the up side my twenty first birthday is septemer 8th. I have a big trip planed with all of my closest friends. I am very excited and scared to be 21 because of my old habits with alchohol i only hope i can keep it under control.

My new artist for the week is : Bon Iver

easy to fall into...

bad habits are slowly creaping up on me. Its getting harder and harder to not go down that path. the dark on, the one i used to call home. the bottom of the bottle and cold, harsh reality of the razor blade. yes i used to cut, drink, smoke, and basically numb myself from the pain. when life gets hard its hard not to go back to this lifestlyle. Everyday is a new struggle. Hoping to make it through to the other side.